So What Would You Say Is the #1 FEAR People Have Overall?
Fear of Success?
Fear of Rejection?
Fear of Dying?
Fear of Failure??
The #1 Fear = The Fear of the Unknown
Without fail, the most common and paralyzing fear that clients show up with is one they don’t even see coming,… the Fear of the Unknown.
This is by far the most insidious and detrimental belief system I come across.
When it comes to successfully making meaningful change in your life, there must be more than just a wanting to do so. There must be more than just talking about wanting change. Whether it be with your work, your lifestyle, your relationships or yourself, things must change in order for things to change.
Yes, you read that correctly and it is worth repeating.
Things must change in order for things to change.
It is at the junction of resolving beliefs and taking supportive action of that resolution where most of the problems happen.
Whether you believe it or not, it is likely that you are somewhat invested in, or married to, your current set of circumstances.
In other words, if you are like most people, you silently and unwittingly harbour a fear that paralyzes you from meaningful action which could be accessed by answering the question…
“Who are you without everything that is not working in your life?”
How much of your personality is highly invested in what’s not working in your life?
Such as struggling with money?
Or problems at work?
As this can be difficult to see in yourself at first, I invite you to prove me wrong by observing others.
How to prove me wrong…
I challenge you to see if most people you know are invested in their story, as I think they are.
Over the course of the next week, while interacting with the people you meet each day, examine how many people are quick to share how they are struggling with something or someone.
Are they talking about their relationship struggles… again? Are they complaining about their colleagues… again? Have they still not figured out their money struggles? Or weight struggles? Do they try to pull you into the gravity of their situation?
I’m sure you get the idea, so see if you can prove me wrong, which I would love.
The reason why it will be unlikely is because it fits into the Fear of the Unknown. Most people do not know who they are without the struggles they have perfected throughout their lives.
Chances are that you too have some beliefs lurking in your subconscious mind that make the idea of actually successfully acting on what needs to change in your life very unsettling.
What needs to change in your life can be very unsettling.
Therefore, there is a lot of safety in NOT doing what it takes to move toward what you say you are wanting.
Being vulnerable or accountable, or breaking off toxic relationships in which you have invested a large amount of time, isn’t felt as important enough to risk a step into the Unknown.
That step is scary.
Stepping into the Unknown can be so scary that you may never do it.
Yet, that is exactly where you must step in order to manifest the greatness that is latent inside you, in some situation or circumstance that is outside the one you are currently in.
To get there you need courage and support.
You need courage and support.
Courage is a product of making yourself vulnerable enough to fail. The easiest way to muster that up in yourself is to have a support system from someone who has been there before and can help you navigate and transcend thoughts that keep you stuck in that place of fear.
To step into the great unknown, you need to know how to create a support system that transcends your current status.
Here are a few tips of what to look for in those who will support you in some seriously meaningful change.
6 Steps for Choosing Heart-Centred Supporters
- Non-Judgemental: To have someone(s) in your corner that is 100% non-judgemental is a must. You must be able to explore vulnerable and shameful places in your emotional underworld without getting into ‘your story’. CAUTION: continually revisiting your story makes it stronger. Use discernment right from the get-go when selecting supporters… if find yourself continually stating your story with them, choose again.
- Encouraging: This is actually a tricky one. Your supporters must be encouraging without cheerleading. CAUTION: anybody who comes across as promoting a ‘ra-ra’ kind of excitement will likely unwittingly set you up for an unnecessary fall. What you are after is steady, unflappable encouragement.
- Experienced: Your supporters must have some successful experience in the area you are looking to resolve. CAUTION: going for relationship counsel from your girlfriends who struggle with intimacy is likely not the best choice. 😉
- Arm’s Length: Wouldn’t it be nice if your main support could come from the members in your family? It is possible, but in most cases the one’s who were part of you getting to the stage you want help from are likely not the best choices for breaking free from that stage. CAUTION: the people who you are currently surrounded by are part of your ‘story’. If you want meaningful change, some of them may have to change. Being supported by others who can be objective in their interactions with you can help you leap forward at the speed of love.
- Direct: There is nothing worse that having someone ‘sympathize’ with you when you are wanting to make effective and meaningful changes in your life. Anyone who you can pull down to your drama is not who you want as a supporter. In fact, run the other way if you come across this. Find those who can come from compassion, but without commiserating with your plight. You will need someone who can stay calm and focused when you are not. Sympathizers are actually enablers. CAUTION: the right people will be direct without telling you what you ‘should’ do, and will help you make your own mind up around that.
- Loving: The most important thing I learned about love is that it is NOT always nice. In fact, some of the most loving things my supporters have done for me is to NOT give what I asked for and thought I needed, but let me struggle through it, and stood there at the other end when I came through it. People who succumb to, or are intimidated by, your emotional hurricane are not the ones to go to. CAUTION: the ones who will commiserate with you will be very attractive to run to as you will feel understood at first. If you want meaningful change, be VERY careful of this type of relationship.
There you have it… 6 Steps for Choosing Heart-Centred Supporters.
You now have a filter through which you can look when seeking out and choosing who you want as part of your team for personal change.
If you would like to discuss the possibility of having me be one of your heart-centred supporters, I invite you to Book a Free Consultation to see if there is a way I can be of service to your particular situation.
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