Last week, I went to post my weekly article and poof… it completely disappeared right before my eyes! Very strange, but if you have been around me, you will have heard me say,
“The Universe is trying to help you [when things like this happen].”
What an opportunity to live my own truth!
In this case, I decided to not suffer and to send out a vulnerability-based email explaining my misfortune and called it a day… (ok, a week). Acting from grace when things go sideways is rarely the norm for most, and is often quite the contrary.
Last week, the article was supposed to be The #1 Thing to Remove from Your Diet to Lose Weight, and this week, I aim to fulfill that promise.
However, in the spirit of giving more than anticipated, I am also going to bring in another angle that is very important in Part 2.
Vickie Champion is a business coach and consultant who also does life coaching. She is someone who introduced me to The Guilt Cycle.
PART 1: GUILT
And, the #1 ingredient to remove from your diet to lose weight is, you guessed it… guilt.
Guilt breaks momentum, it tears down progress, it lets you suffer. A teacher of mine once went as far to say, “guilt is not an adult emotion”.
Do you feel guilt?
Here’s How the Guilt Cycle Works:
1) You feel it is important to make up a rule that you think you need to follow and then try to follow it. (New Year’s is pandemic with this thinking)
2) Next thing you know, you try to follow your new self-created rule, then you feel deprived.
3) What’s next? Yep… you feel compelled to break the rule.
4) Which causes you to feel guilty about the breaking of the rule.
5) This is followed by an action that you hope would relieve the guilt (like doing something nice for someone else).
Doing this last step usually gives you enough feel-good juice to muster up the courage to…
1) Create ANOTHER rule (because the first one must have been flawed, right? lol) in hopes of relieving the guilt.
2) Which again causes you to feel deprived (the sequel).
3) Now it is time to toss out the original rule completely, try to follow the current rule (which includes the guilt-based justification adjustment).
And around, and around we go…
Letting go of guilt gives you power.
(This would have been about where I would have ended last week’s post, but today, we are going to write a different ending. Just as your life has an infinite number of endings, so does this article. 🙂 )
The problem is, on a subconscious level, most people are afraid of their power. If you are afraid of your power, what is the benefit of feeling more powerful? It just doesn’t make any sense to do so.
But it gets worse…
The real problem started with the Buddha …
The Buddha stated, “Life is suffering”, which he stated in his first noble truth. His second noble truth is, “We suffer because we are ignorantly attached to beliefs and desires that don’t serve us.”
What this means is when you come from an unconscious place with your beliefs and their effects on you, you end up suffering.
Life is Suffering, and Here’s the Rub…
The rub is that because you suffer, you subconsciously feel justified to do things that temporarily ease that suffering, like eat junk, or buy things (especially for other people), or drink, or become ill, or feel tired.
What then happens is you get the opportunity to tell others about all the things you have tried that aren’t working, it shows up like: “No matter what I do, it just doesn’t work?!”
Does this sound familiar?
Try it out with these topics and see if any of them fit for you:
“No matter what I do, I just can’t lose weight.”
“No matter what I do, I just can’t make ends meet.”
“No matter what I do, I still feel tired.”
“I’ve tried everything.”
If you use phraseology like these, chances are you are in a romance with your suffering. The crazy part is the reason why you would do such a thing.
Although your conscious, logical mind would convince you that you want to move toward your true power, if you hold disempowering beliefs around what this means, you will subconsciously move AWAY from your true power, which actually gives you a false sense of power.
It actually gives you a false sense of power.
The reason why is it makes you feel powerful is because you get to share your story. And people, who are also into suffering, will feel sorry for you, and either give you stuff, sympathize, offer you a “you poor dear”, or something similar.
All of which shore up your dis-empowered state, yet helps you feel a false sense of power because you get to get some attention from others; something you likely didn’t get when you needed it as a child.
It is kind of simple and complicated at the same time.
How to Start to Break Free from this Emotional Roller Coaster
What to do:
1) Stop telling your story
2) Move away from people who sit and listen to your story, and seek out others who will call you on your story, but not judge you for it. Perhaps even hire a coach.
3) Learn The Guilt Cycle and be aware of when you are falling prey to it.
4) Resolve the underlying beliefs that keep you stuck in the cycles of guilt and suffering.
You can start identifying hidden beliefs by using a series of Discovery prompts, such as:
“The reason why I am constantly making new rules for myself is because…”;
“The reason why I feel guilty is because….”
“The reason why am in a romance with suffering is because…”
This will help you get on your way with your own process.
However, if you feel you would like some help with this, why not try a Free 30 minute consultation with me so you can accelerate the process.